[SCA-Dance] The Creepy, the rude, and the weird

David Learmonth david.a.learmonth at gmail.com
Wed Jul 22 19:01:49 EDT 2009

Admittedly, some of the Best flirting I've seen from some partners has been
with less than constant eye-contact.  (even though I do tend to do a lot of
eye contact myself).

Fleeting glances, or playful looks peeking through hair for example, is
often more flirtatious than really pouring it on otherwise.

But definitely, so much of the flirting we do (and probably should be doing)
is often in the eyes, and expressions.  I can cite a few occurances over the
years (1 recent, and 1 about a decade ago), where I was starting a dance of
Ballo del Fiore, alone on the floor looking for a lady, and in both of these
instances one lady decided that she really wanted to dance, and through
brief eye contact, from a whole room full of people, she made it quite clear
that she was the obvious choice for a dance partner.

It is definitely a skill to hone.  And I also definitely agree that we
should also be working towards some period styles of interaction, at least
for part of the time  (I should really learn more myself).

But the eye contact is something that people entering the SCA have to get
used to.  I remember a time when it was foreign to me, and then when my lady
first came out to an SCA event with me 6 years ago, she was a bit surprised
by it as well.

And it is also an aspect that one has to be careful not to let it become
"creepy".  At least it doesn't encroach on someone as quick as the icky
versions of potential physical contact.  However, a lot can be said with the
eyes, and it can make people quite uncomfortable.

And lastly, just related to this, is that as lords, we also have the issue
that as we get older, we can slip into the "creepy" zone.  I'm really hoping
that I don't become creepy, and that I'm not giving anyone that vibe yet.
However, I am aware that with age, it could happen, in particular if you
come on too strong to fairly young ladies.

Thus far, I do not believe that the ladies of the SCA tend to have quite the
same issue, or not to the same degree.  Sorry lords.

Good luck in your flirting!

P.S.  One other thing that can bother people, or be inappropriate, is
Photography, especially when someone hasn't been asked first, or if it seems
to be an excessive amount of photography, or pictures that may be
inappropriate (such as angles that expose a bit too much).  This is a trick
issue, and it is always nice to see some pictures after an event, but
probably some restraint should be exercised.

On Wed, Jul 22, 2009 at 4:10 PM, Kirsten Garner <kngarner at sbcglobal.net>wrote:

> Greetings,
> I'd send this response earlier, but, not paying enough attention, I sent it
> only to the original poster and not the entire list. So, I will try again.
> :)
> > I'd like to speak up for all the folks who don't make the constant eye
> > contact that seems to be the norm in SCA dance. Some of us are shy (I
> > am). Some of us are also trying to dance with a more period aesthetic
> > which does not call for constant eye contact. In fact, it calls for just
> > the opposite (check Ebreo's description of how a lady should carry
> > herself in the dance).
> >
> > So if I don't stare deeply into your eyes the entirety of the time we
> > dance together and all you get is an occasional glance and a smile, it's
> > not that I don't like you or would like to be anywhere else but here. I'm
> > just shy and ingrained in the Italian culture. :)
> Julian

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