[SCA-Dance] The Creepy, the rude, and the weird
Duriel van Hansard
duriel at inbox.com
Tue Aug 11 12:11:49 EDT 2009
Some of this thread reminds me of a SNL skit from a couple of years ago with Tom Brady (Patriots QB) 'explaining' how to avoid sexual harassment trouble in the office place. For those who never saw it, every time on of the shlubby guys in the office socializes with any of the women, he get in progressively worse trouble while Brady strolls around making progressively more 'harassment-worthy' actions.
The two rules to follow were:
1) Be attractive.
2) Don't be unattractive.
Let's face it, if Hugh Jackman or Brad Pitt showed up at an SCA dance and thumb-rubbed one or two women, those ladies would be giggling themselves into next Thursday.
None of this is to excuse boorish behavior -- on *both* sides of the gender aisle, though I will admit that it is usually men who are the perpetrators. However, I've encountered women who let loose with a flirting barrage before the music even began...it was very off-putting.
I read one person say they felt they were stuck being either rude or leaving, but one always has the freedom to do neither with a gentle "No, thank you". "Please don't" also works well in the middle of a dance.
You don't have to put up with a situation you are uncomfortable with: If you don't want to dance, don't. If you don't want to dance with a particular person, don't. If you don't care for a particular behavior toward you, don't accept it. If someone's BO stinks let them know. If they are sweaty to the point of slimy, tell them to towel off.
I was President of a Contra dance group and had to deal with women complaining of aggressive dancers. You people in the Med/Renn dances have it easy since I'm pretty sure no woman at an SCA dance has ever had her shoulder partially dislocated or a wrist sprained because of some testosterone-poisoned dance partner.
As for flirting, our position is always "what's said on the dance floor, stays on the dance floor". If you want to flirt with someone *off* the dance floor, that *may* be an entirely different situation. Some people say "what's said at the dance hall, stays at the dance hall". YMMV
My suggestion would be to post a list of gentle reminders regarding hygiene, courtesy, etc.
Duriel van Hansard
"Thoughts give birth to a creative force that is neither elemental nor sidereal. Thoughts create a new heaven, a new firmament, a new source of energy, from which new arts flow. When a man undertakes to create something, he establishes a new heaven, as it were and from it the work that he desires to create flows into him. For such is the immensity of man that he is greater than heaven and earth." - Paracelsus
> -----Original Message-----
> From: marianne at historiaviva.org
> Sent: Wed, 22 Jul 2009 16:01:14 +0100
> To: sca-dance at sca-dance.org
> Subject: Re: [SCA-Dance] The Creepy, the rude, and the weird
> 2009/7/22 Catriona Morganosa <catriona_a_morganosa at hotmail.com>
>> I actually teach a class on Flirting in the SCA subtitled "How NOT to
> I must live in the wrong part of the Known World... If anything, we'd
> more flirting, shoulder rubs, etc... The finger-licking can stay away
> though... ;)
> Does anyone have class material /ideas to share on how to encourage more
> flirting? (within reason... the harmless, polite, kind I mean).
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